you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
