Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
