at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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