I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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