Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
