The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize