He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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