I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
