the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
