yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
