I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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