Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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