what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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