I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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