fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
