I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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