Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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