Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
