how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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