I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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