Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
