he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
