Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
