That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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