I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
