New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
either way he was missing a nipple.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
