i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
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Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
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He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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