Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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