We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
