dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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