i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
