grandma shit on top of the toilet
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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