he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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