Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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