You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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