You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We had sex on a dog bed..
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
