i wish starbucks made bloody marys
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
