so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
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