If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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