No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
