I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
