wakey wakey hands off snakey
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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