dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
