So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
