You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
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He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
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I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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