so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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