I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
