Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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