Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
