so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
