he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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