If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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