Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
