I don't usually arrange sex via text message
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
