I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
