I love black thongs
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
