Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
