Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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