His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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