And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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