I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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