so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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